Bagel Lunch in a Small Town in Central New York State

The Post Pub by Kristen Havens

~ A Very Short Play in One Act ~

“I’d like an everything bagel with lox and. . .what?”
“Sorry. We just ’86ed the everything bagel.”
“Okay. How about one of your new spinach bagels?”
“. . .”
“Really, that too?”
“OK. Do you have any sun-dried left?”
“Do we have any sun-dried?”
“A few.”
“OK. I’ll have that with your olive cream cheese.”
“Um . . .”
“Oh, come on!”
“Sorry. I don’t even know how we stay open!”
“Plain is fine. And lox and capers and tomatoes and everything, just no onions.”
“’86 the sun-dried!”
“Looks like you got the last one!”


Some time later.

“Where’s the lox?”
“It’s right there.”
“Did you get any?”
“A piece about this big.” [Indicating half-inch chunk of lox in air with thumb and forefinger.]
“I guess they ’86ed the lox, too.”
“And the lettuce.”
“At least the coffee’s good.”

End scene.

As is so often the case in real life, the ending is not satisfactory. The bottom of my coffee cup should have dissolved then. Danged reality!

(P.S. I did not say “Oh, come on!” My actual words were “Oh, really? That’s okay.” Politeness makes for boring copy.)

— Kristen